Aside from the physical recovery, there is also the emotional recovery. People have been asking “how are you?” to which I reply “ok; recovering”. But how am I really ? How do I feel beyond the physical ?
- Grateful – grateful to be alive; grateful for my husband who lovingly took care of me in the hospital and continues to do so; grateful for my mom and mom in law came and stayed; grateful for my daughter whose smile relieves all pain; grateful for my relatives and friends for their prayers, flowers , fruit baskets, visits and non-visits (because I told them I wasn’t ready for visitors); but most of all grateful to God for this experience because I know it is a wake up call and the start of a better life.
- Cognizant of my mortality yet without fear – Basically I internalize more deeply that I can actually die anytime – it might not even be of cancer , it could be a heart attack or whatever , but ultimately , I just leave my fate in the hands of God. Of course I’ll do what I can to survive , but beyond that, no use in worry or fear.
- Positive – or trying to be positive as much as possible. Hoping or knowing or claiming the best outcome. Also when something not so ideal happens , I try to avoid “sweating the small stuff” which is not healthy and won’t do any good. This is a constant challenge though and I don’t get it perfect but trying my best .
- Relaxed – I’m trying to veer away from stress which is not good for healing. Thus, I have avoided the temptation to read work emails for now, I’ve been watching light and funny comedies on Netflix, I don’t compel myself to do tasks or errands that don’t need to be done now. I try to enjoy the moment as much as possible – appreciate the bamboos swaying outside my window and the sound of birds chirping . I avoid watching news 🙂
So to sum, I do feel ok, I feel good even. Maybe not so physically good given the physical constraints, but emotionally I feel good. I’m trying to enjoy this “vacation” from work, taking advantage of the time to watch tv, read, surf the Internet , and write on this blog !